We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
