Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
