i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
