Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So much rum. So many feels.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
