Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The struggles of a small town man whore
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