I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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