It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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