So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
