so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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