About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
