New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
