And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
