I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
