i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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