The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
