Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
