dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
