these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
