So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
