You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
