I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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