why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
