There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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