i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
