8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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