i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
