you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
