i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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