I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
