I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
This is my gift to your gina
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
