we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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