If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
