You smell like a Billy Joel song
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
