I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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