I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I think your dad took our porno
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
