My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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