My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You left your phone here
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