So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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