we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
