im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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