Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
