Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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