So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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