I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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