I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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