My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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