Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
