Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
