I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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