she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
