My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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