Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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